lughnasadh-wheat

Today I sat down to write a post about Lughnasadh, but all that came out were garbled and tangled thoughts – disjointed and unclear.

I wrote about gratitude – about how available it was to me in other years, and how difficult for me today.

I wrote about my growing dissatisfaction with my Sabbat rituals, and my Wheel of the Year celebrations as a whole.

I wrote about how these twelve months have been more challenging, frustrating, and confusing than any in my life previously.

And I wrote about how my desire for authenticity and efficacy has caused me to throw out original plan of using the same rituals for the Sabbats every year.

The truth is, I have nothing to say about Lughnasadh this year. I feel that tonight, the eve of the first day of August and the night of a blue moon, would be the most suitable to do ritual. But I feel no desire to do so. I am not sure I will feel any desire to do so in four or five days, either.

In short: my spiritual practice as it currently stands is failing me. It is not a strong thread for me to grasp in difficult times. It has become confused and disjointed, to the point where I feel I need a certain amount of extra energy in order to complete the basics tasks I set myself in it.

It has been a long while – perhaps a year – since I really felt the power of a Sabbat. It’s been a long time since I was excited for ritual, excited to prepare. I go through the motions because I know it’s important to me. I know that if I don’t, I will lose touch with who I am entirely.

But I’ve realised that my practice needs a solid structure. It needs exactly what I set out to create three years ago. I told myself that doing the same ritual again and again, returning to the same script every year, was boring and unimaginative. I told myself that pushing my boundaries would be more rewarding. But actually, I just badly need to get back to basics.

My faith in a lot of things has had a beating this year. But you know what is constant and unquestionable? The Earth. Its cycles. The beauty of Cosmos and the incredible constant creativity of it.

Everything else falls away when I’m uncertain, when I’m exhausted, when I’m sad or anxious. But the reality of this earth I stand on is always there waiting for me. I need no faith to believe in it, to revere it, to celebrate it.

So that’s what I’m going to do.


9 thoughts on “Lost at Lughnasadh

  1. Ellen says:

    Spirit or God(dess) doesn’t need us to do a ritual, we need it for ourselves to make us feel good and connected. Maybe looking at the moon and seeing her beauty, being present in the moment and perhaps reflect a bit, draw a card, drink a glas of wine; all these things together might be ritual enough for you tonight. It is for me anyway.
    Have a blessed Lughnasadh

    • Áine Órga says:

      You know, I think that’s exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you so much! I think I’m going to do just that tonight. The same to you <3

  2. Victoria says:

    I agree whole heartedly.. Have a drink..watch a movie..thats what I did last night.. then look up to the dark sky and say hello.

    • Áine Órga says:

      Beautifully said! <3

    • Áine Órga says:

      Beautiful! I did so too. And your comment actually encouraged me to go out to the street in front of my house before I went to bed and watch and wait for the clouds to part so I could see the moon. It was magical <3

  3. Iain MacPharlain says:

    There is an old Chinese Proverb:
    “If I keep a green bough in my heart the singing bird will come”

  4. Patti says:

    And again the synchronicity of a young girl away across the sea, and how she seems to express so well the feelings of the old crone on the far shore. Spiritually and emotionally it has been a tough go for me this last while, too. I tend to beat myself up for not doing the things I am “supposed” to do. So last night when I could not raise the desire for ritual (for either Sabbat or Esbat), I simply took a ride through the country side in the beautiful light of our Mother, stopping a while in a secluded place to listen to the night sounds, watch the moonshadows shift with the wind in the trees, and just BE. Came home peaceful and loved. As always, my thanks to you, my dear Aine for keeping me aware that no matter how it may feel, I am not alone on this journey. My dearest love to you, and Blessings, always.

    • Áine Órga says:

      🙂 Lovely to hear from you, Patti! Sounds like we had a similar experience on two different sides of the planet… and that sounds like you had a wonderful evening! Absolutely perfect. And no, you are never alone <3 much love x

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